Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
