So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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