Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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