I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
