its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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