Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
