So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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