Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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