So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
