I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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