I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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