Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
