just tell him i said nine months
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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