He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
