Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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