this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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