Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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