i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
