So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
