Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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