I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
