Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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