so that wasnt chicken after all
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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