I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
