I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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