where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
