I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
