tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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