I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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