Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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