just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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