so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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