After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You're like the curious george of whores
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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