um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
