I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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