my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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