ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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