He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
