Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
