My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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