doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
