i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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