3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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