I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think my tv is drunk
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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