things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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