Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
