I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
