So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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