it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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