He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
