Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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