i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
