Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
