Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
