my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
