Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
