I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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