forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
