you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
