I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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