i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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