White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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